


Hanging On The Telephone

by duckgirlie



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-12
Updated: 2010-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:38:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckgirlie/pseuds/duckgirlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, things are easier over the phone. Meeting in person only serves to make things endlessly complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hanging On The Telephone

**Author's Note:**

> Corporate AU. Title by Blondie. Hopefully I got everything you wanted in here, even if it's only a tiny bit! (Thanks so much to those of you who helped my planning!)

 

Cook already had his earpiece in before he left his car, and he dialed the office as soon as he was shown into the server room.

“Hello?”

“Hey gorgeous.” Cook answered. “And how are you today?”

“You don’t know what I look like, Cook.”

“Yeah, but I have it on good authority that you are, so...”

“Shouldn’t you be working?” Archie asked.

“I’m at Valtura now, want to fill me in?”

He could _hear_ Archie rolling his eyes down the phoneline as he answered. “Didn’t you read the packet Brooke sent you?”

“No, I was waiting for you to explain it.”

“Cook, she puts a lot of work into those.”

“And I keep telling her that I’d rather hear it from you, so it’s only her own fault.”

Archie laughed in spite of himself. “And what would you do if I wasn’t working? Just not do your job?”

“I’m sure I could keep it together until you got better. Carly would still be there.”

“I’m pretty sure Carly would just tell you to read the packet and get off the line.” Archie pointed out.

“And now you know why I call you instead of her. It’s not just that you’re better looking.”

“ _You don’t know what I look like_.”

“But I can imagine. Michael gives very vivid descriptions.”

Cook coughed and started fiddling with his equipment when someone from the office poked their head around the door.

Archie flipped through his copy of the work order. “It’s just a basic re-install, you can handle it fine.”

“Of course I can, I’m awesome.”

“So you’ll be able to cope by yourself if I leave you be?”

“Aw man.” Cook whined. “Why would you want to do that? You can’t leave me all alone.”

Archie sighed. “Cook, you know there are other people who work here, right? What if someone with an actual question calls me?”

“What about Carl...”

“Carly and Brooke are working as well, talking to people who actually need help.” Archie cut him off. “I’m sure you can survive a couple of hours on your own.”

“ _Fine_.” Cook pouted. “I’ll just do my job then.”

“Good.” Archie laughed. “If you need any real help, I’ll be here.”

– – – – –

The job had been as easy as Archie had said it would, and Cook was out of Valtura within a few hours. He checked his messages and headed over to a Starbucks, clipping his earpiece back in.

“I thought you said you could take care of yourself for a few hours?”

“You know, I’m affronted that you have such little faith in my professionalism.”

“Um, you haven’t given me reason to have much?” Archie offered.

“Hey!” Cook objected. “I take my job seriously.”

“Oh my gosh, Cook, I didn’t mean... like I was only saying because... but...” He trailed off.

“I’m going to cut you off here, so you don’t dig yourself in any deeper.”

“Thanks.” Archie said. “You’re done for the day now, right?”

“Yeah, just picking up Michael from across town.”

“Well, I hope you both behave yourselves.”

“You’re not going to tell me to not do anything you wouldn’t do?” Cook asked.

“Um, baby steps?”

“Good to know.”

Cook had pulled up outside Starbucks during the conversation, and was just ringing off as Michael climbed into the passenger seat.

“Talk to you later.”

“Bye!” Archie replied.

He hung up and looked across at Michael. “What?”

“How’s your work wife?”

“Fuck off.”

“You know,” Michael pushed his seat back to stretch out his legs, “I don’t have to sit here and deal with this.”

“If you had your own car,” Cook pointed out as he pulled away from the sidewalk, “then you wouldn’t have to.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Cook steered the car back to the hotel they were booked into, before he killed the engine and looked back over.

“We heading out tonight?”

“No.” Michael scoffed. “I want to take a nice early night before heading back to Nebraska for the weekend. Because Omaha can totally cater to my varied parting needs.”

They grabbed some food and headed out to a bar.

– – – – –

Michael finished his beer and signaled for another one before turning to Cook.

“So, Carly’s going to bring your soulmate out tomorrow night.”

Cook rolled his eyes. “He’s not my soulmate. No one who’s never listened to Led Zeppelin could be my soulmate. And shut up.”

“I just can’t believe he’s been working there for three months and you haven’t met him yet.”

“Well, I’m only in town about once a month. I think he’d gone home last time I was back.” Cook pointed out.

“Well then.” Michael rubbed his hands together. “Are you all set? Is your heart all tense with anticipation?”

“Look, I’ve no idea where you’ve got this idea from, but I think you’re going to be sorely disappointed. I like the guy, but that’s it. You’ll have to get your salacious gossip from other people.”

“You’re no fun at all.” Michael said.

“You can gossip with Carly. I’m sure she’ll love it.”

“I’m still betting I’m right.”

Cook finished his beer and waved for another. “You keep doing that.”

– – – – –

On Friday night they met at their usual bar, and Cook was dismayed to realise that Carly and Brooke appeared to have bought into Michael’s theories.

“Excited?” Carly grinned, digging him with her elbow.

“I have no idea what you people are on about.” Cook insisted. “We’re just friends.”

“Well, yeah.” Brooke agreed. “ _Now_. But what about...”

Cook cut her off. “Friends, Brooke. Friends.”

Carly and Brooke exchanged what they probably thought was a subtle yet knowing look, but Cook didn’t quite have it in him to try and refuse again, so he just sighed and slouched back into the booth.

Carly suddenly put her drink back on the table and stood up. “I need to go to the bathroom. Brooke?”

For a second, Brooke looked like she was going to refuse, but after another knowing look she smiled at the guys and followed Carly across the room.

“Why do girls always do that?” Cook asked.

“Usually, because they like consulting each other on pretty much everything.” Michael said. “But in this case, I think it’s because Archie’s just walked in–” he pointed to someone near the door “– and they want to make sure he has to sit next to you.”

“Dammit Michael!” Cook tried to check Archie without being obvious about it. “I thought you were on my side.”

“Really?” Michael was puzzled. “I really have no idea where you got that from. Archie! Hey, over here.” He waved across the room until he caught Archie’s attention.

Cook forced himself to look up and smile as he approached the table.

“Hi Michael. Um, are the girls...”

“In the bathroom, they’ll be out in a minute.” Michael gestured Archie into the booth. “You know Dave Cook, right?”

Archie smiled shyly. “Um, kind of? I mean, we’ve never like, met in person before or anything, but we’ve talked on the phone some, so um... hi?”

He held out his hand and Cook looked at him for a second before shaking it. “Hi.”

There was a moment of silence until a waiter arrived at their table.

“What can I get you guys?”

Michael ordered a beer and another round of whatever the girls were drinking, Archie ordered a Sprite, and Cook ordered a beer and a shot of Jack. As soon as the girls got back they spread themselves across the rest of the booth, forcing Archie to sit right next to Cook. He threw Carly an annoyed look over Archie’s head, but she resolutely refused to catch his eye. Cook knocked back his shot and turned to Archie.

“So, are you all settled in then?”

“Yeah, I think so? I mean, my apartment’s great, and the job is fine, most of the time, but I think maybe Mr. Cowell doesn’t trust me yet, he’s always sending someone in to check on me and make sure I’m surviving.”

“That’s probably Cook’s fault.” Brooke interrupted. “There used to be a problem with people not hanging up properly, so they randomly monitor call length some days.”

“Hey,” Cook objected. “Why does it have to be _my_ fault? Maybe he hasn’t been hanging up right?”

“Um, I know how to use a phone, Cook.”

“Of course you do.” Carly shot Cook an annoyed look behind Archie’s head, but he ignored it and turned to ask Brooke a question.

The evening progressed on similar lines, with Cook trying his best to avoid engaging with whatever Carly was pushing for, while also trying to avoid being rude to the rest of the table. He was pretty sure he'd failed though, when he finally managed to extract himself around midnight, he left a strangely awkward atmosphere behind him.

– – – – –

“Okay, I have an important question for you.” Cook said as soon as the call connected.

“Um, sure?”

“Michael’s car is nearly fixed, so this is my last week to irritate him with my music choices. Any suggestions? I’ve already decided on the Glee Rocky Horror stuff, but I need even worse.”

“Um... Cher?”

“Dude.” Cook sounded slightly offended. “Cher is awesome.”

“Okay... Celine Dion?”

“That was on the shortlist, but I have to listen to it too, and I don’t think I hate him that much.”

“I don’t think I can help very much.” Archie apologised.

“Okay. Look, the traffic’s starting to move, I should hang up. I’ll call you when I get to Simplex, okay?”

“Sure.”

Cook picked up on the tiny hesitation. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just thought... I was just worried that after last week you’d think it was, like, awkward or something.”

“Dude, no way. That was just... what it was. Besides, Carly and Brooke would make me read the work orders for myself.”

“So you only like me so long as you can slack off.” Archie said.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Cook laughed.

“Well, that’s nice, I guess.” Archie joked back. “I’ll have the work order for Simplex ready, but I don’t think you’ll be able to talk during it.”

“Thanks man.”

– – – – –

“I despair of you sometimes.” Cook sighed.

“I’ve heard some of their songs!” Archie insisted. “Like, um... Teenage Wasteland. And that ‘Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh’ one.”

“Firstly, they’re called “Baba O’Reilly”, and “Who Are You?” And secondly, have you heard any of their songs that aren’t CSI theme tunes?”

“I don’t think so, no.” Archie admitted.

“See? _Despair_.”

“Is this worse then not listening to Led Zeppelin?"

“Archie,” Cook said, very seriously. “You cannot make me choose between Zeppelin and The Who. That’s just mean.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Good.”

– – – – –

“Ooof.”

“Are you okay?” Archie asked.

“I’m fine, just tripped over some wires. Whoever set this place up needs to be shot, there are wires _everywhere_ , and the server room has no clear signposting, it’s like a maze. I feel like I’m going to turn a corner into the same row and Leonardo DiCaprio is going to try and steal my thoughts.”

“What?”

“You haven’t seen _Inception_ yet either?”

“I’ve been busy?”

“I’m busy!”

“Well yeah.” Archie agreed. “But you work out there so no one can get all disapproving if you come in looking like you haven’t slept.”

“There you go again, mocking my sense of professional decorum.”

“Carly said you once took some sick days to watch Shark Week.”

Cook paused for a second. “I’m going to kill that woman.”

– – – – –

Cook had been waiting outside Mr. Cowell’s office for nearly half an hour before his boss arrived. He waved Cook into the office ahead of him, checking his watch and sighing before sitting down.

There was a moment’s silence as Mr. Cowell regarded Cook across the table, before he seemed to come to some decision and reached into a drawer.

“We want to offer you a promotion.”

“Huh?”

“A promotion, Mr. Cook.” Cowell repeated.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Cowell rolled his eyes. “It’ll still involve some travelling, though not nearly so much. You’ll mostly be based out of this location, managing field teams, being on initial client consultations.” He trailed off and looked at Cook. “Do you have anything to say?”

“Um, great?”

“Excellent.” He handed Cook the stack of papers. “You can take those down to Mr. Seacrest in Human Resources, he’ll fill you in on all the details. I know you've been mainly on the road so far, but you have a place in town, right?”

Cook thought about his apartment for a second. “Not one I really want to live in full-time, no.”

Cowell glanced at his watch. “It’s Thursday. Once you’ve gotten through everything with Ryan, take ’til Monday to find yourself somewhere more inhabitable.”

“Oh, cool. Thanks.”

Cowell glanced at his watch again. “Okay, we’re done here. Goodbye.”

Cook gathered everything up as quickly as he could and practically ran out the door. On his way down to HR, he nearly crashed into Carly in the stairwell.

“What’s up man? You look... I don’t know what you look like, but it’s unusual.”

He held up the stack of papers. “I eh... I just got promoted.”

He nearly dropped everything when she threw her arms around his neck. “That’s so awesome!”

As soon as she’d let him go, she dug her phone out of her pocket. “So we’re going out tonight, yeah? Don’t you worry, I’ll text _everyone_.”

“People have work tomo...”

She waved him off. “I’ll be _fine_. Most of us are starting late because there’s a big code push going through some of the California locations tomorrow and we’re needed after six.”

She hugged him again before wandering back to her desk, yelling over her shoulder as she disappeared. “Congratulations!”

– – – – –

At the bar that night, Cook didn’t have to move, everyone just surrounded him. At least six people he only sort of recognised bought him drinks, and he eventually found himself squashed into a booth with Carly, Brooke, Michael, and Archie, as well as Syesha from accounting and Jason from in-house IT. There were way more shots on the table then that many people warranted, especially as not all of them drank.

Carly held up a shot of Patron. “To David Cook.”

Everyone raised a shot to join hers, aside from Archie and Brooke, who held up empty glasses.

“The newest...” Carly trailed off. “I’m sorry, but I have completely forgotten what your new job title is.”

“It’s...” Cook trailed off as well. “Long? It has ‘team’ in it somewhere. And ‘supervisor’. Or maybe ‘director’? I don’t remember.”

Everyone paused for a second, until Carly just shrugged her shoulders and raised her glass again. “To Cook!”

Everyone clinked their glasses and downed their shots together. Michael started sorting out the empty glasses from the full ones, and Cook stood up to use the bathroom.

The air conditioning in the men’s room was on strangely high, and the cool blast of air that hit him in the face when he pushed the door open combined with the however-many shots he’d downed and he had to brace himself against the doorjamb for a moment.

“Are you okay?”

He turned to find Archie watching him.

“Yeah, I’m good. That last shot could probably have waited until later in the evening, but I’m fine.”

Cook turned to lean against the wall. “What about you? You all done settling in?

Archie smiled. “Yeah, I’m pretty good. My desk is right near Brooke and Carly, and they’re like, super-helpful, so that’s great. I mean, sometime it’s still a little weird – I’ve never like, worked in an office or anything before, but it’s cool.”

“The girls are great. Except when Carly’s all...”

He waved his hands around in a complicated gesture that involved facing the palms towards each other, then waving at Archie, then waving them about some more. Archie just stared at him.

“You get what I mean, yeah?”

Archie furrowed his brow. “Um, not really.”

Cook sighed and leaned further into the wall. “She sees things that aren't there sometimes. I mean, she means well, but it can be kind of a drag when she gets an idea she won’t let go of. So feel free to like, tell her to get lost or whatever, if it’s needed.”

Archie looked down at the floor and scuffed his shoes together. “No, I um... She’s great, I haven’t, I haven’t noticed anything.”

“Cool.”

Inside the bar’s single bathroom stall, Cook pressed his face against the cool plastic walls for a few seconds until he felt himself growing more in control of himself. Outside, he glanced over at Archie who was methodically drying his hands.

“See you back in there?”

“Actually, I think I’m going to head home.” Archie said.

“Aw, c’mon man. You can’t leave early.”

“I should sleep. I’m not doing on the California lines tomorrow, so I have to been in work at the regular time, so...” He trailed off and gestured towards the bar’s front door.

“That sucks man.” Cook shook the excess water off his hands and wiped them quickly on his jeans. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday then?”

“Yeah.” Archie waved slightly as Cook left the bathroom.

– – – – –

“Aren’t you supposed to be off these jobs now?”

“Pretty much.” Cook sighed. “But Michael’s sick, and I have a consultation nearby anyway, so they figured kill tow birds, I guess.”

“Oh, okay.”

“At least without him in the car I can listen to whatever I want without feeling the need to punish him.”

“That’s great.” Archie paused. “I’m sorry, but I have another call coming in. I’ve emailed you a copy of the work order if you forgot it or something, okay? Bye!”

Archie hung up before he had a chance to respond. Cook stared down at his phone for a second. That was weird.

– – – – –

Cook still hadn’t gotten used to wearing a tie to work, and was already tugging it looser when he wandered into the phone banks one afternoon.

“What’s up boss?” Carly asked.

“He’s not our boss.” Brooke pointed out.

“I know that.” Cook said. “I was just wondering if you guys wanted to head out tonight, before everyone goes off for Thanksgiving or whatever.”

“Sounds good.” Carly said. “I’m going to need all the help I can get. You’d think by now Todd’s mother would be used to his face, but no... Every year, she’s got this slightly distressed look for the whole damn holiday.”

“I’d love to.” Brooke added.

Cook turned to the other desk “Archie?”

“Um, I think I’m just going to head home. I’ve got kind of an early flight back to Utah, so...” Archie trailed off before he picked up a folder and left the room.

“Is he okay?” Cook asked the girls. “This is like, the fourth time he’s stayed in.”

Brooke shrugged a reply, but Cook was still pretty sure he could see Carly catching her eye as he headed back to his own office.

– – – – –

Cook was trying his best to escape the office without bumping into anyone when he found Archie waiting for an elevator. He was staring down at his phone with a slightly lost expression on his face. Cook stood a little to the side and pressed the call button a few times.

The silence settled awkwardly between them for a few minutes, until Archie sighed heavily and shoved his phone into his pocket.

“Uh, are you okay?”

Archie glanced over, scrubbing his hand through his hair. “It’s um, nothing. Just a minor crisis, but it’s not um, work-related or anything, so it’s fine.”

The elevator arrived and they both stepped inside.

“Seriously man, what’s the problem? I know we’re not, like...” He trailed off. “Maybe I can help?”

Archie laughed slightly. “I don’t think so. Um, a bunch of my friends are coming to visit tonight, and um...”

He trailed off.

“And?” Cook prompted.

“And they’re all like, practically married, or settled-down or whatever, and they’re always so _concerned_ that I’m single, and so far away from home, and I know they mean well, but it can get a little... much sometimes. So the last time I spoke to them, I told them I was seeing someone.”

“Ah.”

“It just kind of came out!” Archie said. “I didn’t know they’d be coming to visit so soon, I thought I could just pretend for a while and then say it ended and they’d maybe leave me alone for a while. But now they want to meet him, and there isn’t a him, and I can’t tell them we’ve broken up because then they’ll expect me to be all _upset_ and I’ll have to talk about it, and, and, and...”

“Whoa there.” Cook put his hand on Archie's shoulder until he calmed down a little. “Can’t you just tell them he’s away for the weekend?”

Archie shook his head. “Before they sprung it on me they’d be here, I’d already said he was around. What am I going to do? If I tell them I lied about it they’ll just be even more worried about me, and they’ll probably tell my mom that I can’t handle being by myself!”

Cook paused for a second. “Hmm... Look, this probably isn’t a perfect solution or anything, but if you want... I could pretend to be your boyfriend for the night? If that helps, or anything, but I get that you might not...”

“Really?” Archie interrupted him, “that would be um, really helpful.”

“Sure. I mean, it’s just like, dinner or something, right? I’m sure I can handle a couple of hours.”

“Oh my gosh, that would be awesome!” Archie smiled. “It’ll only be for like, two hours, and they know I’m not really like, physical so you don’t even have to like, touch me or anything.”

“Cool.”

They stepped out of the elevator.

“Thank you so much!” Archie smiled again, clearly relieved.

“It’s not a problem, really. You don’t have a car, right? Do you want me to pick you up?”

‘Thanks. Like, around half-seven?”

“I’ll see you then.”

“Thank you!”

– – – – –

A couple of hours later, Cook pulled into the restaurant's parking lot.

"Last chance to escape." Archie said. "I won't mind, I promise. I can just tell them my boyfriend has the flu or something.

"Relax Arch, I'm fine. What about you though? Are you sure you want your friends thinking I'm your boyfriend?"

Archie squinted for a second. "Of course. Why, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm like, thirty."

"So? I'm pretty sure Miley's dated guys that are at least that old. Unless like, you really don't want to do it and are scared of letting me down or something, because I can totally..."

"No, it's cool." Cook cut him off. "I think if we start second guessing each other then we're going to be stuck in this car all night. C'mon."

Inside the restaurant, Cook barely had a chance to pick Archie's friends out before they were throwing themselves at him, burying Archie in a pile of flailing limbs. As soon as they detached themselves Archie inched back closer to Cook and kind of half-slid his hand into Cook's.

It was weird, because Archie hadn't been lying, he really _wasn't_ the physical type. So Cook squeezed his hand reassuringly and waved at his friends.

"Hi. I'm Cook."

They all stared at him for a second before shaking his offered hand in turn.

"I'm Benton."

"Demi."

"Charice"

"Miley."

It took a few seconds more of appraising before they all sat down, but it seemed Cook had passed some kind of test because they were all smiling happily as they opened their menus.

"So, Cook." Miley asked. "How did you and Davey meet?"

Cook glanced over at Archie and mouthed 'Davey?', but he just blushed and shook his head.

"We work together. I did field work and he does phone support, so we talked on the phone a lot when I was installing boring software. And then a friend of ours kind of bullied me into asking him out, so..."

"Bullied?" asked Charice, a sharp tone in her voice.

"Oh, I don't mean, like, badly bullied or anything." Cook back-tracked.

"Carly gets a lot of ideas." Archie explained. "I think we were both worried she was maybe seeing something that wasn't there."

Miley smiled. "But she was right."

Cook and Archie exchanged a quick look. "Yeah. I guess she was."

A few minutes later, when Archie got up to use the bathroom, Cook found himself being stared down again.

"Okay." Demi started. "Davey's awesome."

"So awesome." Charice agreed.

"And we know he thinks we worry about him too much." Miley continued.

"But we're not doing it _just because_." Demi said.

"We're allowed be concerned, right?" Charice asked.

"I mean, he just up and left!" Miley said.

"Like, we get that the whole Jack thing was totally traumatic." Demi continued, "but that was _ages_ ago. We're just afraid that maybe he's been cutting himself off a little bit."

"And we just want him to be happy." Charice added.

"He deserves someone awesome." Miley said. "Because he's awesome."

"So awesome." Demi finished, and the three girls all turned to look at Benton for his contribution.

"Um, you seem nice?"

"Thanks." Cook said. "I think."

Archie arrived back at the table just as they started busying themselves with their menus.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

"I don't think I was this interrogated last time I met an actual boyfriend's friends."

"Oh gosh, are they being terrible? I can ask them..."

"No, it's okay." Cook interrupted. "They're just concerned about you. It's nice."

"I know." Archie admitted. "But do they have to be so concerned _all the time_?"

"I think you're stuck with them."

– – – – –

Cook left Archie to say goodbye to his friends as he grabbed the car out of the parking space, pulling up in front of the restaurant as he was hugging them all. Cook climbed out of the car to say goodbye, standing just close enough to Archie to maintain the illusion. After Archie’d said goodbye to them all, Cook stuck out his hand to shake theirs, but instead found himself wrapped in a group hug.

“We took a vote.” Someone – he thought Charice – whispered in his hear. "And we've decided we like you."

"Um, thanks?" Cook whispered back.

They all detached and waved enthusiastically as they both got in the car and drove. Inside the car, Archie was staring down at his fingers.

"Um, thanks for this. Again."

"It's not a problem. Your friends are..."

"I know they're a little weird."

"Great. I think they're great." Cook met Archie's eyes in the review mirror and smiled.

There was silence in the car for a few minutes as Cook navigated his way back to Archie's apartment.

“Are you humming ‘Tangerine’?” Cook asked.

“Um, yes? Carly lent me Led Zeppelin III so I could listen. I thought maybe I should hear I and II first, but she said it wasn’t like a book or anything and I... Are you laughing at me?”

“A little.” Cook smiled, "do you like it?"

Archie blushed again and looked over at Cook. "It's really good."

"Alright!" Cook fist-pumped the air, quickly returning his hand to the wheel when Archie looked worried. "I knew you'd be cool. We just need to get you some Who now, and you'll be almost there. In fact..."

He trailed off for a second, until the pulled up at a light and he reached over to dig around in the glove compartment, triumphantly pulling a CD out and handing it over.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He parked in front of Archie's building to let him out. Archie stood on the pavement for a moment, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"I know I've said this about a million times already, but thanks. You've bought me about three months of respite."

"Seriously man, it was nothing. I'll see you Monday, okay? Sleep well."

"Night."

As soon as Archie was out of sight, Cook leaned forward to press his forehead against the steering wheel, breathing deeply a few times before he pulled out into the street.

– – – – –

On Monday, Cook bumped into Archie by the elevators again.

"Hey."

"Hey."

They both started their next sentence at the same time. Archie smiled. "You first."

"Did your friends enjoy the rest of their weekend?"

"Yeah, I think so. I told them you had to go to Denver on business, but they kept asking after you."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Archie smiled slightly. "They're um, they're going to be disappointed when I tell them we've broken up."

"Oh. Yeah." Cook paused. "I hope it doesn't end up causing you trouble in the long run."

"It'll be um... It'll be fine. I think. They just need to, y'know." Archie waved his hand around vaguely.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

The elevator stopped at Archie's floor and they both spoke at the same time again.

"You first this time." Cook said.

"Just um... See you around?"

"Yeah."

– – – – –

"Right." Carly pulled herself up from the table and waved a threatening finger at them. "Don't have too much fun while I'm gone."

As soon as she'd left, they both started saying something.

"You first." Cook said.

"Um, I didn't really have anything to say." Archie admitted. "I just felt like I should."

"I didn't really have anything to say either."

They lapsed into a strange silence until Carly returned, looking at the disapprovingly.

"What's this? I'd call it a wake, but they whiskey'd be better."

"We're fine." Archie told her. "Just um, thinking."

"Stop thinking." Carly ordered. "Start drinking."

– – – – –

It was nearly a month after Archie's friends had visited when Michael barged in Cook's office and threw himself into a chair.

"Can I help you with something?"

"I think you can." Michael started. "So I have this friend..."

"Stop right there." Cook cut him off with a raised hand. "If this is going to be some other story about you trying to talk Stacy into a threesome, you probably want to talk to someone else."

Michael looked at him for a second. "You know, you have some detailed and worrying theories about my marriage. You should probably look into that."

"What is it then?"

"So I have this friend." Michael started again. "Who's not me, though you do know him. So like two years ago, this friend broke up with his boyfriend–"

"Michael..." Cook warned.

"Let me finish. Two years ago, this friend broke up with his boyfriend, which was a great move, by the way, because that guy was a major–"

"Can we get to the point?"

" _Fine_." Michael rolled his eyes. "And ever since then, this friend has just refused any help to find himself a new boyfriend. Any people have been really enthusiastic about helping him find one, because frankly, he can be a grumpy bastard when he's not getting any–"

"Does this have a point?"

"I'm getting to it." Michael assured him. "So my friend meets this guy. And not only is this guy great, and not only do all of this friends think my friend is great..."

"Look, I know where–"

"Just give me a minute." Michael cut him off. "But for some reason, my friend just completely refuses to do anything about it. He's even denying that he likes the guy, even though it's really, painfully obvious to everyone else that he does. So. If you were me, what would you do about my friend?"

Cook sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Well, firstly I'd re-evaluate how well I try and hide things when discussing them with people. Then I'd probably think about the fact that it doesn't matter how my friend feels, if the guy in question doesn't feel the same way. Then I'd probably decide to mind my own business."

He paused for a second. "Actually, I'd probably start minding my own business right at the beginning, then I wouldn't have to worry about it in the first place."

Michael was giving him a funny look. "What if you knew for certain how the guy feels about it?"

"Well, I'd still be minding my own business, so it wouldn't be a problem."

"Okay, enough of this." Michael leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. "We both know what I'm talking about. So what's the deal?"

"I think you're reading into things."

"Cook, _he asked you to pretend to be his boyfriend and introduced you to his friends._ "

"Actually, that was my..." Cook trailed off. "That doesn't really help my case."

"So the first thing that occured wasn't 'tell them he's got to work overtime', but 'I'll be your boyfriend!'"

"Look..." Cook leaned back in his chair and sighed. "It's just... Wouldn't something have happened already, if it was going to?"

"The thing about things, Cook." Michael pointed out, "is that they tend not to happen if people don't do them."

"It's not just my fault, you know. He could have done something."

"Of course he could. It's not like you're older then him, or really well established in the group who works here, or kind of stand-off-ish whenever he's around. Or like you'd explicitly told him that Carly tends to get ideas and you hate her trying to set you up with people. God knows why he might feel intimidated."

Cook leaned forward to lay his forehead against the desk. “I don’t think I can deal with this right now.”

Michael rolled up the paper he was holding and tapped Cook lightly on the back of the head. "Well, start dealing, okay? I think Carly's this close to locking you both in a stationary cupboard."

– – – – –

It took another three days before Cook finally followed Michael's orders. As everyone wandered away from the bar he snagged Archie's elbow gently.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure?" Archie turned to face him. "What's up?"

Cook dug his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground for a moment. When he didn't say anything, Archie coughed slightly.

"Um, Cook?"

"I'm just trying to think of how to say this." He sighed. "But I don't really know. Michael tells me I've been kind of a jerk."

"Oh gosh, of course you haven't."

"Don't worry, I know you're way too polite to agree with him. But he's kind of right."

"Um, if you insist, but I don't think..." Archie insisted.

"It's just..." Cook cut him off slightly. "What I said about Carly, about the whole setting-up thing, that wasn't about you. Or rather it was about you, but it wasn't about me. Except it was kind of about me."

He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. "Oh, this isn't making any sense. Ever since I broke up with my last boyfriend, Carly's been on this campaign to get me back in a relationship, and sometimes it results in her pretty much throwing me at almost any available guy. So I was afraid she was doing the same thing to you, and I meant that if you felt she was pressuring _you_ that you should say something about it. I wasn't trying to like, drop hints that you should leave me alone or anything."

Archie was just kind of _looking_ at him.

"The truth is..." Cook took a deep breath, "the truth is, ever since I started talking to you on the phone, Carly's been going on about it, dropping hints and being all... _girly_ about it. So I'd pretty much decided before I ever met you in person that nothing was going to happen. Which was easy the first time, because Carly was there, being all pushy and whatever, and talking on the phone was just so much easier, so it was easy to stick with that. But even before I got transferred, it was getting harder, so when I did I think I just maybe started acting jerky so I could... I don't know what I was doing really."

"Oh. Okay." Archie was still looking at him.

"And then the things with your friends happened, and I just... You know."

"Um, not really? I mean, I've never been in a situation where I liked someone, but refused to do anything about it because I was annoyed at someone completely different."

Cook smiled unhappily. “I told you I was a jerk.”

Archie looked down at the ground for a second. "Um, I think... I'm going to go home now, okay?"

"Yeah."

Archie turned and walked towards the car park. Cook waited until he had disappeared around the corner before kicking the lamp post.

– – – – –

Five days later, Cook was struggling through the end of the work day when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Archie came through the door and sat down neatly. "I've decided that you and Michael were right, you are kind of a jerk."

"Okay."

"And that after all this, it'd be perfectly fine if I just pretty much ignored you from now on." Archie added.

"Okay."

"And that if I did, you really wouldn't be able to complain that I was being mean or anything."

"Okay."

"But I've also decided that if you still want to, you could maybe ask me out."

Cook's eyes snapped up to meet Archie's. "Seriously?"

Archie smiled. "Pretty much, yeah. I mean, if you don't want to or..."

"I do. Definitely."

"I mean, it would suck to have to introduce someone else to my friends."

"Yeah, yeah."

Cook slouched down in his chair, relieved and excited. He looked up at Archie, who was looking at him again.

"What?"

"Um, are you going to?"

Cook sat up sharply. "Of course."

"Well?"

"David Archuleta, would you like to go out with me?"

"Um, I'll have to think about it?"

Cook's face fell slightly. "Okay, yeah. I understand."

Archie grinned. “Oh my gosh, Cook. I’m kidding. Of course I’ll go out with you.”

Cook grinned back. "Awesome."

"Awesome."


End file.
